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The thin veneer of realism melted away on the Real Chance of Love Finale and I wasn’t surprised when I heard both couples had broken it off. Officially, their relationships never even started. Real chose Doll and Chance chose Hot Wings . Their connection lasted as long as it took to remove their (hopefully waterproof) make up. And why did they have them outside in the rain anyway? By the end of the scene they all looked like drowned rats. Did the producers think this would add to the drama? Was their any drama to begin with?

Will they ever get it right? They hope not because that would mean no more show for them but at this point Real and Chance have lost any illusion of wanting a woman from their shows and it shows.

They need to take a page from Romancing Head Honcho Bret Michaels and throw some personality in the mix. You know he knows it’s all fake but it’s still watchable and extremely entertaining. This year the women personalities overshadowed Real and Chance’s dimmer ones which made for predictable episodes. If they do this again, throw away the cue cards guys and add some personality and a pinch of sincerity. That just might help…not

Now most of us are gun shy about who Real and Chance will pick as their “true love” since the first season ended with Chance not even picking a girl and Real breaking up with his pick not long after the reunion show. But of all the women left my bet’s are on 

Mamacita

and

Pocahantas

Mamacita and Chance are a perfect match for each other and have a combined maturity level of a 15 year old. She is fun to watch and has a lot of charm and doesn’t take Chance very seriously which is most likely impossible anyway.

I hope he washed behind his ears

And the homophobic (according to his VH1 bio; “Turned down a spot in a Ben Stiller movie because he had to play a gay guy.” )Real has been under the alluring and exotic spell of Pocahantas since the beginning and I can see her making it to the end as long as she doesn’t bring out the Bible too much.

Who’s hair is prettier?

So keep these thoughts in mind when you watch the final show of Real Chance of Love Back in the Saddle. I think it’s safe to write that whoever they pick will not last longer than a bout of the flu but it was certainly entertaining to watch the process.

Real and Chance drew a line in the corral this week by handing out R chains and C chains to the fillies. This probably helped some of the women who were confused about which guy they were going to like on the show anyway, so that was awful nice of them. 

The fifteen remaining women got their chance to show the brothers how sexy they could be in a viral video challenge. Apple faded like a wallflower but didn’t get eliminated because her lack of luster faded in comparison to Aloha’s downright “raw fish eating” kookiness. I’ve eaten my share of sushi but eating it unwashed straight from the grocery store foam plate? ewww 

I think she and Chance would have made a good couple.

Don’t cha think? Oh and don’t forget about Blonde Ball-girl and her supposed “friend” on the phone. You know the other women won’t let that one go.

Even with two sets of humungous breasts staring at you, the Pirates of the Caribbean scarf on Bakers head stands out with it’s oddness.

This season is even more of a farce than last season so let’s sit back and enjoy the weekly weirdness that this show is. Love has nothing to do with it…

Charm School 3 is full of loud women and liquored up women and I don’t know who I like least. Hidden amongst the fray are a few mousy women who need to learn how to stick up for themselves.

Head Judge Ricki Lake has her hands full of what I can’t describe but I’ll bet she asked for hazard pay about 5 minutes into the first show.

On this week’s episode Rock of Love Bus rejects Ashley and Farrah locked the mousy drama queen Brittany Starr in the bathroom for an hour and a half and Real Chance of Love reject Bubbles got screamed at by some of the other women from the Real Chance show.

The show is such a mess of swearing/screaming/drinking/fake breasts that it’s hard to find the entertainment value of the VH1 show. Please VH1, close the liquor cabinet and give us something humorous and not this mean spirited drunken mess.

Charm School 3 makes New York Goes to Work look like a high brow PBS fare.

Charm School begins on Monday, May 11 at 9 and it sounds like Ricki Lake will have her hands full. Word on the VH1 web site is the ladies didn’t get along and that it was “intense and tumultuous” and that some of them had “an extremely hard time on the show”.

My fave from Real Chance of Love, Bubbles

Bay Bay Bay, Kiki, Bubbles, K.O., Risky, So Hood show up from Real Chance of Love and Ashley, Beverly, Brittaney, Brittanya, Farrah, Gia, Marcia, and Natasha crawl over from Rock of Love Bus.

My fave from Rock of Love Bus, Farrah

Apparently, Ricki is going to make the women take on real responsibilities with non-profit organizations. Can you see these hot messes working with senior citizens or under-privileged children? They will even make them work on the rebuilding efforts to restore New Orleans. Maybe they can put them on flashing detail during Mardi Gras.

Ricki Lake, Takes Over Where Sharon Left Off…

The newest crop of Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels and Real Chance of Love rejects will have a new overseer on the third season of Charm School. Ricki has had experience with her own talk show, and is a documentary film producer, author, and actor (original Hairspray star). Ricki is one of three Executive Producers for Charm School 3 with Ricki Lake.

She is going to be in charge of helping them find their compassionate side and will learn self-improvement through selfless acts with charity work. Now that should be interesting! Especially with the help of these two:

Dean “ripped t-shirt” Stryker

Dean “Motorboat” La La

The new deans on this season are; Alani “La La” Vazquez (tv personality) and Stryker (radio host). Gee do you think they can help show the women how to give selflessly or how to use a fork?

Vh1’s Charm School 3 with Ricki Lake will premiere in summer ‘09.

According to Stalker, the spurned woman, he is. That little gem was said on the reunion show extras which can be found on the vh1 web site. www.vh1.com

They started out with 15 women and whittled it down to 1 (Corn Fed). Chance didn’t choose any woman, which is better than leading them on and makes for a much more dramatic reunion show. They were all angry at him and did not keep their tongues in their pockets at all. He was accused by Stalker as being gay and even gave him a new clock which stated It’s Time To Come Out!

CornFed and Real appeared to be on shaky grounds but they did say they were going to try things out and move slowly. Which in reality lingo means ‘let’s wait a few months and then announce our breakup so we can have another show’.

Will he stay with Cornfed?

This photo describes the finale winner of Real Chance of Love perfectly. Wholesome, sweet, and a good heart. On the season finale of VH1’s Real Chance of Love, Real chose Cornfed over BayBayBay. “Cornfed” aka Abbie Noah is a 25 year old hairstylist from Fargo, ND who had never been to a big city in her life. The uncorrupted woman made Real’s fireworks light and that’s what he was looking for…

Chance on the other hand sent both “Cali” and “Risky” home brokenhearted. This was the first time I actually respected Chance. His character on the show (maybe his real persona) is immature and babyish so I was very surprised when he said he did not want a relationship with either of them. It also paves the way for another season of Real Chance of Love.

According to www.inforum.com , “Fargo’s previous reality show champion was Caridee English, who won the seventh cycle – or season – “America’s Next Top Model.””

On the Real Chance of Love Special Real and Chance expounded on a How-to of dating. The two brothers work off each other well and most of the show was entertaining but it also showed the uglier side of their personalities (sexist, rude, Chance’s immaturity). Some of the highlights included:

Reason for Rabbit’s elimination- Rabbit has facial hair.

Reason for Sexy Legs elimination- She is much taller than Real which probably threatened his masculinity.

Reason for Stalkers elimination- Her nickname says it all.

Reason for Bubbles elimination- Couldn’t rap well enough for Chance and he couldn’t handle her tiny voice.

Then they discussed their final four. Real likes Cornfed because she’s sweet and Bay Bay Bay because she’s intelligent. Chance on the other hand didn’t specify why he likes Cali or Risky. But one thing I found out is that Bubbles should have her own show. She is charming!

VH1’s Real Chance of Love is almost done and I can already smell a second season in the air.

Rabbit

Rabbit, the only half way normal choice was eliminated by Chance and now he’s left with Risky, the hot head, and Cali, the 23 year old makeup artist. Both of them are obviously the wrongs choices for an immature hot tempered ADHD-like guy like Chance.
Real on the other hand shows a bit more substance but has clearly eliminated his chance at love when he made Milf leave.

Milf

Corn Fed the Innocent Midwestern hairstylist and Bay Bay Bay the birdlike buddy of Real have no chemistry with him.
Hopefully, the “writers” for this show will step it up for their next chance at love.